Mother/Father Issues (Fierce, Independent, Strong Black Woman)

Fierce, independent, strong black woman. She never said it, but she lived it. You can see in the life she built for herself, in the children she raised on her own, in the tight knit circle of friends and support system she keeps. Fierce. Independent. Strong, Black woman.

She never had to say it, but you can tell that she wishes she had never tied herself to him. That, although she's accepted the financial aid, she resents needing it. That, although she accepted the emotional support, she feels she could carry on without it. That she wishes every call and decision was hers and hers alone. It was she, after all, that stayed up with the kids as they lay in bed sick, so her word should be law. She checked the homework every evening before bed, but he gets the glory for his kids' good grades in school because of his PhD. They listen to her and follow her direction, but he gets praised for being a great disciplinarian. Her role gets overshadowed because "do you know what a great thing it is to have a black man stay and look after his kids?"

But she remains a fierce, independent, strong black woman.

You can see it in the way she keeps her 9 - 5 even though his salary alone could cover all their expenses. You can see it in the way she refused, time and again, to pick up and follow after him when he got a new job in a new city. You can see it in the way she insists on separate bank accounts because of his lack of financial sensibilities. She is a fierce, independent, strong black woman.

And because he was always working and never home, his daughter never saw what a marriage being worked on at home looked like, only how her mother did everything on her own. And because he never knew his daughter's bra size...or her shoe size... she only saw her mother doing the shopping and providing her material needs. And because he cared more about his daughter getting a good education in the form of straight As instead of asking her how her day at school was, or who her best friend at school was, she only ever saw her mother providing for her emotional needs...and his daughter came to wonder why he was even in the picture.

If she can provide for herself financially, and he can't provide emotionally, what's the purpose of a man?

And so she grew up to be a fierce, independent, strong black woman.

A very lonely, but fierce, independent, strong black woman.